The Secret Lives of Porn Stars

Have you ever wondered what porn stars do in their free time? I know I have. I'm endlessly fascinated by the lives porn stars live after the cameras have gone away. Like, say, what does Mr. Marcus do when he gets recognized on the street? What does Sean Michaels do when he's with his girlfriend out in public and other women notice him and start flirting. (Because she's seen or heard about his *big* reputation in the industry, and wants to see for herself if it's true.) For that matter, what does his girlfriend do? How do you even go home to a girlfriend if you're in porn, after you just got done knocking off 5 supergorgeous 6'0" tall fine porn chicks willing to do any freaky thing you could possibly imagine, and better than any regular girl could ever do it? Even if your girl was equally as talented, equally as fine, how do you even manage to get it up again after having had sex ten times already that day. How can you possibly even sustain any interest in it?

For that matter, how does a porn star's boyfriend/girlfriend react to their doing porn in the first place? How can you be Pinky's boyfriend if you're an average man and she just got done getting reamed out by Wesley Pipes, who's kneecapping it? Even the most secure man must be tempted every now and again to wonder if he's as good as her last porn partner. ("You never make all those sounds when you're with me."-- And yes, I know a lot of times they're just acting for the camera, but still...) How do Kobe Tai's parents react to their daughter being practically the most popular Asian woman in American porn. How did any of them even get into porn in the first place?!

There's virtually an endless assortment of questions you could ask.

Which is why i've yet to understand why no network has done a reality show yet based around the life of a porn star. Sure, they've gotten close, with E!'s "Girls Next Door", but that show doesn't go far enough. Plus, it's on E!, so everything we see is going to be tame and watered down anyway. Imagine a reality show on HBO, that shows the real warts in a porn star's life (err... no pun intended there) all the gritty stuff you always wonder about but never ask. HBO itself even comes close, with it's "Cathouse: The Series" but there are numerous glaringly obvious questions that the show never dares to answer. I want to see more about these girls' personal lives, away from the ranch. But then, I guess that'd be another show altogether, then, wouldn't it?

Or what about a show based on the lives of young, up and coming girls trying to break into the industry? Imagine: "America's Next Top Pornstar". Or "So You Think You Can Suck"? Err, maybe, "Extreme F**kover: Porn Valley Edition". Or something...

And as much as i'd like to be the guy who gets this show off the ground, where do I go with it? Who do I take it to? (That is to say, who'll ACTUALLY LISTEN and be able to do anything with it.) And I have no doubt that a few months (or years) from now, someone with way more money and connections in the industry that I have will eventually do this show; it'll be a ratings monster and he/she will doubtless make millions off of it,

But man I been sayin'...

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Gettin' My Grumpy Ol' Man on...

... or "Now excuse me while I whip this out."
"Man I been sayin'..." I can't tell you how many times i've said those words. Every time something happens that I knew would happen, i'm always compelled to tell my friends, "Man, I been sayin' that was gonna happen." What I want this blog to be is an online record of my various predictions and observations about the world. I do see it, I see stuff coming time and time again. It rarely surprises me when it happens, but the egotist in me always wants credit for saying, "I said it first!" So this blog will be my attempt at that, a daily (or semi-daily) account of my thoughts on the world and it's people, and where I see things going in music, fashion, pop culture, etc.

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I remember seeing a young adult movie star named "Honey" in a film with Mr. Marcus and being so impressed with her "talents" that I exclaimed to my friends, "Someone who's got skills like that should be a superstar."

And even as the words left my lips I remember even thinking to myself, "Man, what a nutty thing to say. She's a porno chick for God's sake, how could she ever become famous." And now... well, let's just say she doesn't go by "Honey" anymore.

It took me awhile to even realize that she was the girl from the video. I think it was around the time she appeared on Oprah and the rumors started swirling that she'd done porn before. (I remember thinking, "Hell, 'Superhead'?!! Who the hell is Superhead!?? You want to see Superhead, put on Mr. Marcus' Neighborhood and go find 'Honey'. Now THAT'S what you call "Superhead"! Heh... irony. ) But when I heard the porn rumors that's when it finally clicked. I was like, there's no way there can be TWO of them.

*Sob sob* They grow up so fast.

But man I been sayin'....

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I remember thinking, in the late 90's, that I couldn't understand how The South hadn't taken over Hip Hop yet. I distinctly recall standing at a gas station one day and hearing a beat that just grabbed me. It has a nasty bass line and the drums were just hard as hell. After hearing one of the rappers spit a few bars, I realized what he just said had been ingrained in my memory. Don't get me wrong, his words weren't what i'd call anything remotely resembling a high bar of lyrical content, but it's just that some Southern rappers have such an audacity to their words that you can't help but remember them. For example:

A bad bitch, she wanted me to stay a l'il longer,
I'da put the dick up on her but I had a flight to catch.
-Webbie, "Wipe Me Down" ( L'il Boosie ft. Webbie)

Upper Echelon of lyrical ability, no. But how can you NOT remember this line.

And again, don't get me wrong, I love lyrical hip hop. In fact, that's what prompted me to notice the song. At the time I was hungry for an East Coast artist whose music had that visceral thump to it; something you can ride to AND nod your head too. And I sorely miss really talented lyricists. Anyone who can bless the mike gets HUGE props from me. (Saigon, Cory Gunz, Jae Millz, L'il Wayne, Soulja Slim, Juvenile, Scarface, The Game, Eminem, and all the late great gods in the game go without sayin'--> Pun, Pac, L, Big, etc.) But I just couldn't understand why something so visceral, something that just aims directly for the most basic part of a person's being, wasn't massively popular. Flash forward to the present and... well... y'know.

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I remember saying, WAAAAY when Gremlins came out, that they should make the Mogwai into kids' toys. I remember continuing to say it for years afterwards; I couldn't conceive how NO ONE had had this idea. The creatures were (and remain) incredibly well-designed possible toys. (Hell, I know always wanted to play with one.) And then one day, this comes out.

It was like TIGER Corp. said, "Whaaaa.... you don't want these millions of dollars lying on the ground, Warner Brothers. Well, we'll take them." (I later learned of course that there HAD in fact been toys, but I don't think they were nearly as aggressively marketed as Furbies were. (And I was young; I wanted one, but never saw them anywhere!) Warner even had a partnership with Tiger and produced a Mogwai based Furby.

That's like Coca-Cola doing a deal to sell Coke that tastes like Pepsi. Or McDonald's entering into a deal with Burger King to sell Big Macs that look like Whoppers. Which further verifies my opinion that Warner had (have) no idea the goldmine they were (are) sitting on with Gizmo.

Yes, i've gone from talking about Karrine "Superhead" Steffans and porn, to Hip Hop, Mogwai, Furbies and Coca-Cola. This, in essence, is what my blog will be. One part rambling, one part my observations on things, one part news, as well as a well-documented account of those times that, "I saw it first."

Now, if you'll pardon me, "Excuse me while I whip this out."

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