Tuesday, August 7, 2007

And now a message from one of our sponsors...

What's happenin', mayne? It's ya boi, Fiddy, announcing the launch of the latest in our G-Unit ladies (and some fellas) line, G-Unit Dildos. For the lady out there who lives the G-Unit lifestyle, these dildos are gonna teach all them other jealous bitches out there how to stunt.

Our G-Unit dildos come in three distinct sizes:

Curtis, for those out there who only need "jus' a l'il bit".

Next we have "The Magic Stick", for those who want to go to the candy shop, and have a taste of the lollipop.

And finally, "The Massacre" for those times when you don't wanna take your panties off, but just pull 'em to the side.

Just take it from our Chairman and CEO, Mr. G-Unit himself, 50 Cent:
Niggas thinkin' they gon' merk Fifty, how,
when we got guns the size of L'il Bow Wow?

G-Unit Dildos... Shawty I got what you need, when you need to feel a bzzzzzzzzzz...

We salute G-Unit Adult Products, yet another proud sponsor of M.I.B.S.

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Feel Good to Be Beatin' a Real Goon, Don'a?

At least, I think that's what he said in "Shawty". Well, ok, enough griping outta me on this blog. I did promise you guys a glimpse into the future, right? I'm supposed to be telling you where things are headed in the next couple of years.

Well, here's my next prediction. Plies is going to be the next big thing. He's next. He's on, so wipe him down. My cousin and I were having a discussion recently about who would be the next big thing in the game now that gangsta rap-- NOT HIP HOP-- is officially dead. (Oops, oh yeah, there's another prediction for you-- Gangsta rap is dead.) Nas & co. gave the wrong diagnosis to the wrong patient. Because gangsta has become so tied in with hip hop's image, some people began to mistake the two for total versions of one another. So yeah, address your flowers & condolensces c.o. gangsta rip, not hip hop. The music really has gotten tired. It's getting so having a rap sheet is more of a qualifier for the music than being an actually TALENTED lyricist. But it's about to change. Remember who said it first. Now don't get me wrong, talking greasy on a beat will NEVER go out of style, but if you don't have ANYTHING ELSE to bring to the table, it's not going to sell. Some big name hip hop cd's from some big name "gangsta" artists *cough*CURTIS*cough* are going to flop, hard.

Whew, so anyway, my cousin disagreed somewhat. He said that it still has life, but it's going to take someone who just takes the ignorance of it to awhole 'nother level.

Enter Plies. Man, this dude is one of the grimiest artists i've seen to hit the scene in quite some time. I know we're in a recessed market and everything, but expect his debut to do 2 milly, just like Jeezy's. Plus, in an era where there are legions of "studio" gangstas running around, I really do genuinely believe that Plies has at least done some of the stuff he raps about. And oddly enough, even though his lyrics are really gully and street, he actually does have some real rhyming abilities as well. So yah, big ups to Plies, and early congrats for that multi-platinum plaque. (Quote me on that; I guarantee you it's going to happen.)

What's really going to be the deciding factor, though, is what he does for an encore.

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They Try'na Play Him, L'il Daddy...

Has anybody else noticed how the media has been trying to caricaturize everything Barack Obama says, to make him into a joke, instead of the truly potent presidential candidate that he is? And because he's a genuinely straightforward guy, one who doesn't have a lot of skeletons in his closet, they're digging up anything they can to sully his image. Republicans want you to believe that he's too inexperienced to be president, and look who's leading the pack in trying to get people to think this way, DEMOCRATIC candidate for president, Hillary Clinton.

For instance, remember a few months back when allegations arose that he was involved in some kind of insider trading scandal. It just so happened that his broker had bought stock in a company he was set to pass legislation on. The way this works is, you give your broker money and he invests it for you in the things he thinks will be good investments. So even though Obama had NO WAY of knowing that his broker would invest some money in a company he was passing legislation about, they tried to play this up to make him look bad.

And now, they're trying to "Howard Dean"* Big Homey once again, by attacking his ideas about meeting with our enemies.
Obama wants to have sit downs with Hugo Chavez, Fidel Castro and Kim Jong-Il; to meet with these very influential, very powerful men, man-to-man and try to affect some real change in the world. And Hillary Clinton, whom i've lost a ton of respect for after these comments, wants to make that seem like the most ridiculous idea ever. She's just politics as usual, somebody who wants to maintain the status quo. Well, y'know, MAYBE if you actually sat down with these people and gave other countries the respect we always expect them to give us (even when we HAVEN'T earned it) they wouldn't want to fly fucking airplanes into our trade centers.

So, just so we're clear. We have a nuclear arsenal, but we refuse to talk to a man with plans of building his own. And we're so against Communism that we refuse to talk to Castro, but our biggest trade partner is China, the largest communist country in the world.

But that's cool.

Someone should remind her that Big Homey is a Harvard graduate, and if she keeps playing him like he's short, eventually he's going to really embarrass her silly ass. Plus, I don't know if she got the memo, but people are sick of this "business as usual" ish. After 9/11 I think a lot of people woke up and realized that we can't just IGNORE these people like they aren't there. So her trying to make him look ridiculous is inevitably going to backfire on her.

But Man I Been Sayin'...

*To "Howard Dean" someone is to make them look ridiculous because of something they've said or done, all the while distracting from the fact that they were, and remain very competent, possibly very credible leaders. Dean was a threat; that's why they made his "Yaaahhhh!!" into a joke. If people actually stopped letting others manipulate their thinking, they would've paid attention to the man's views, and not that stupid soundbite that became sketch comedy fodder for months. C'mon, let's be real, what is it about the man getting excited about the job that makes him a bad potential candidate. Hell, maybe that's what we need, someone who's excited about changing this shit.

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Just want to make it official...

Barack Obama is the coolest presidential candidate ever. So from here on out, everyone will refer to him as "Big Homey".

MIBS has spoken...

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