Monday, June 18, 2007

The MIBS Lexicon

The MIBS Lexicon

Coming from Alabama With It- ( Expression) An expression used to describe when a well-endowed man engages in sexual intercourse with a woman.

Variation: Please note that this expression can be used with almost any other location, relative to the user's location. For example, someone from Mississippi can say, "He banged her out, and he was coming from Alabama with it.", but a person from Alabama would not use Alabama, as it would denote he isn't coming from very far at all.

See: Kneecapping it, Ream

Go to the Mattress- (v.) (Expr.) 1. Used to describe an instance where you will utilize every means at your disposal to attack, destroy or otherwise subdue an opponent.

Ex.: I had a dumb bitch recently run a stop sign, causing me to collide into her with my '98 Taurus. Then, she had the audacity to get an attitude with me about it, like I was the one who made her run the stop sign. Luckily, there was very little damage to my car, so I didn't want to get the courts involved, but I swear ta Gawd, had there been ONE dent on my korr (bay area pronunciation of car) i'da went to the mattress on that ho.

2. As relates to a female, this one also has an alternate use. Used to describe an instance where you will utilize every means at your disposal to lace, cake or otherwise give money/gifts to a woman. "Going to the mattress", as it relates to a woman, means the woman is so fine that you'd literally go to your mattress (Back in "the old days" old folk kept their money between their mattresses-- To Hell With Banks!!!) to keep her laced up with money and nice things.

Ex.: Goddam, Pinky from is fine. I'd go to the mattress for that chick.

"I'll let it go."- (v.) (Expr.) Used when you have a gun, and you're not afraid to pull the trigger.

Origin- This one has it's origins in a conversation I had with a cousin of mines. We were talking about which rappers had the most violent names in the game. He mentioned to me a guy he saw named "Trigger", (Trigga?) and on the cover of his album he's pointing a gun directly at you. And the name of his album... you guessed it-- "I'll Let It Go". Man, now is that some gansta shit, or is that some gansta shit? This one won the contest, hands down.

Variation: Feel free to invoke the name of the god of gansta rap, "Trigga" when you say this one. Also, please note that delivery is everything. Try saying the "I'll" part a little slow, then speed up as you say, "Let it go".

Ex.: I'ma do like Trigga, nigga. I'll let it go.

N.C.H.S. (n.) - An acronym, meaning, bluntly, a "Nigga Can't Have Shit". It is used to describe the moments when, well, a black man is racially discriminated against, or otherwise encounters difficulty in life associated with his race.

Ex.: James did not receive the small business loan he was hoping for from the bank. Damn, guess a N.C.H.S.

Kneecapping it- (v.) Used to describe a man who is so well-endowed, his "unit" almost reaches to his kneecap, or lower.

Ream (v.)- The act of penetrating or being penetrated sexually, typically in a very skillful or thorough manner. While usually performed by one who is well-endowed; however any man is capable of reaming a chick out, while, conversely, any female is capable of being reamed out.)

Variation: Reamed out, Reaming out

Ex.: Shaqueesha got reamed out by Slim last week.

Slim won't leave ya nothin'-( Expr.) Slim is a generic term for any man who is especially well-endowed. (NO HOMO for all the references to well-endowed men in the Lexicon.) This expression is used to describe a condition where a well-endowed man reams out a woman so thoroughly, that whatever semblance she had of vaginal walls are obliterated and her next sexual partner will inevitably garner little to no pleasure from sexual conference with her.

Variation: Slim didn't leave ya nothin', etc.

Ex.: Don't let Slim get his hands on ya girl, because Slim ain't gonna leave ya nothin'.

"I'll take her to the show."-( Expr.) This is an expression used, interestingly enough, as a gauge to decide how attractive the woman (or man) on your arm is. If you would "take him/her to the show", it means that you aren't ashamed to be seen with her/him in public.

Variation: "You'll take her to the show?", posed as a question.

Ex.: Real conversation i've had:
A friend:"How fine would you say she is?"
Me:"She a'ight."
Him:"Do you think she's tight?"
Me:"She a'ight."
Him:"But you'll take her to the show, though, wouldn't you?"
Me:(Thinking)"Yeah, a'ight, I guess i'd take her to the show."
Him:"I know, you damn right you would. Hell yeah i'd take her to the show."

"That's my nigga, I smoke blunts with him."-( Expr.) This expression is frequently used by marijuana smokers to denote someone the smoker is friends with. There is no more powerful bond with a marijuana smoker than someone who is willing to indulge in smoking with them. This forms a bond that will last the rest of both smokers' lives. Many smokers typically lack long term enough memories to describe any real qualities about a person, yet oddly enough possess astounding memories in terms of the particular dates on which they've smoked weed and the persons they've smoked with on said dates. So when you ask them about a person's character, this is, more often than not, the response you'll get. If it is a person who has not smoked weed with the pot smoker in question, be wary of them at all costs. This one is to be used 'tongue-in-cheek'ly by non-smokers (or casual smokers) to denote anyone that person is good friends with, or anyone in particular a person likes.


"Who's he?"
"Who, him?"
"Yeah, who's that guy?"
"Oh, he cool people. That's my nigga, I smoked blunts with him."

Yay long -( Expr.) This expression is used ironically, to describe a thing that is not very long. (Note, this expression is used in conjunction with the hands, which are held out in front of the speaker, pointer fingers extended, typically five inches apart or less.) One of the common uses for this expression is to describe a man who is not well-endowed.

Ex.: She left her last boyfriend because he was about yay long.

Yay short -( Expr.) This expression is used ironically, to describe something that is very long. (Note, this expression is used in conjunction with the hands, which are held out in front of the speaker, pointer fingers extended, roughly twelve inches apart or more.) One of the common uses for this expression is to describe a man who is extremely well-endowed.

Ex: Slim won't leave ya nuthin' when he hits, because he's about yay short.

See: Yay long.

"You couldn'tve did that if we was in The Pen- ( Expr.) This saying is very familiar to anyone who has spent time in jail (i.e. "The Pen"), or knows someone who has. Many times, someone who has spent a substantial amount of time in jail finds themselves unable to cope with how the "real world" works. They will frequently take offense to a person's doing things that, in jail, would be criminal offenses demanding that the offending person be shanked or anally raped for committing in their presence. So therefore, they will use this expression... A LOT.

Ex: You know what; he couldn'tve did that shit if we was in the pen. Boyyyyyyy, if we was in the pen i'da beat that boy head in.

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Saturday, June 16, 2007


Well damn, N.C.H.S.*, huh? (*See Lexicon.) Look closer, read the face on this watch. (Particularly the red letters.) Tell me if it says the same thing to you that it does to me?

Here's a closer look.

Global conspiracy to insert racial epithets into wrist apparel, or a friendly reminder of why not to buy cheap ass watches from Wal-Mart. You decide.

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Here's Your Sign(s)

Here're a few signs i've noticed in my day-to-day life, and I just thought i'd share them with everybody.

I happened to notice this one while passing through a neighborhood in West Monroe. I got a laugh out of it so I thought i'd share it. Funny thing, the lady it belonged to noticed me taking a picture of it using my Treo and she walked over, saying, "You like my sign?" She went on to tell me that she's gotten plenty of people coming through looking at it, taking pictures, etc. Real friendly lady.

Heh, funny. When you're in the ghetto, it's a "Dead End" street. When you're in a... *ahem* Well Housed Internally Terrestrial Enterprise neighborhood, however, it simply has "No Outlet". Sheesh, who's over the street works crew, the guy from the "Grey Poupon" commercial.

Case in point. Heh... but no, seriously, I just found it funny that they were so honest about it. It's like, "Hey, this's a crappy street and we know it. Live with it."

And finally, this is one I snapped at a convenience store in Mangham, Louisiana. Gotta love good old fashioned country town stores.

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Friday, June 15, 2007

The Best Commercial Ever!


What's funniest about this is, you know Mr. T. only hit him with a Snickers bar because that's the closest thing he had handy. If he had been holding a wrench, or something heavier, this would've been a completely different commercial. Afterwards, Mr. T was quoted as saying, "What, what Snickers commercial? What is this jibba jabba you're talking about!? I was just beating up some crazy fool!"

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Saturday, June 2, 2007

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Saigon vs. Atlantic, Round 1

More delays are on the way for those of you who are anticipating Sai-Giddy's, aka
Saigon's debut LP, "The Greatest Story Never Told". (Man, if these delays keep up, this is going to be one tragically ironic title, eh?) Anyway, on Sai's myspace page he posted the following while also insinuating that if nothing gives soon, he may very well leak the album himself:

"pleassssse dont believe that the hold up of my album has ANYTHING to do with me or my work ethic or my rate of producing GREAT music...If you go to YOUTUBE and type in JBTV Saigon you will hear snippets of my album that Atlantic doesnt seem to have the desire to release...I just think the once great Atlantic Records has been belittled down to a home of ringtone making artists, like they sign the great jingle writers and real artist like Myself dont get a chance to showcase my musical abilities...I feel like Tupac now...Its me against the world... not to worry though, my fans WILL hear my entire album very soon whether they put it out or not.. If they donnt I will and let yall be the judge of if the music is GREAT or not....Im beginning to think that being my album is geared toward the betterment and not the destruction of my people the powers that be dont wanna release it... Greatest Story Never Told coming this Summer...regardless...."

Click here to read the full post.

Sai's a tricky fellow, though, and he's known for doing attention getting moves like this. Such as apparently self-releasing a track entitled "Saigon diss to g-unit", knowing that the title would get people's attention. Only to have him personally say on the track, "I know what ya'll thought y'all was gonna see. You thought I was gonna diss my niggas, huh, G-Unit?" He then proceeds to praise G-Unit, and perform an entirely different song. (Remember when The Game's album, Doctor's Advocate was supposedly leaked, only to find out it'd been leaked by the Game himself, and few if any of the songs being leaked were actually on the album. Have to admit, ingenious way to thwart bootleggers and drum up interest for your album.) So this could very well be yet another red herring by him, but then again, it could be authentic, as his album has been delayed for quite some time now. It looks genuine, though. Either way, this one should be interesting to see.

(Oh, and another one for the MIBS Files-- Why the hell wasn't Sai put out as soon as he got put on Entourage. That publicity was priceless for him. For God's sake, who the fizzuck's in charge over there, Dopey the dwarf?!)

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Saigon, Sai-Giddy, Tha Yardfather, etc., in the words of Clinton Sparks, "Get Familiar!"

Abandoned Nation.

Saigon on Myspace.

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And now it's time for our first edition of "Give This Star a Porn Name", the hot new game where we take the name of a mainstream actor and give them a porn certified equivalent. From Janet Jackson was born "Janet Jacme". From Wesley Snipes of course we have Wesley Pipes. Now it's your turn. Give this actor a proper porn themed alter ego. (Winner to be announced.) For bonus points, pornify one of his movies. "Wesley Pipes" and "Woody Harrysack" in... "The Money Shot", that sort of thing.


Have fun!

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The Secret Lives of Porn Stars

Have you ever wondered what porn stars do in their free time? I know I have. I'm endlessly fascinated by the lives porn stars live after the cameras have gone away. Like, say, what does Mr. Marcus do when he gets recognized on the street? What does Sean Michaels do when he's with his girlfriend out in public and other women notice him and start flirting. (Because she's seen or heard about his *big* reputation in the industry, and wants to see for herself if it's true.) For that matter, what does his girlfriend do? How do you even go home to a girlfriend if you're in porn, after you just got done knocking off 5 supergorgeous 6'0" tall fine porn chicks willing to do any freaky thing you could possibly imagine, and better than any regular girl could ever do it? Even if your girl was equally as talented, equally as fine, how do you even manage to get it up again after having had sex ten times already that day. How can you possibly even sustain any interest in it?

For that matter, how does a porn star's boyfriend/girlfriend react to their doing porn in the first place? How can you be Pinky's boyfriend if you're an average man and she just got done getting reamed out by Wesley Pipes, who's kneecapping it? Even the most secure man must be tempted every now and again to wonder if he's as good as her last porn partner. ("You never make all those sounds when you're with me."-- And yes, I know a lot of times they're just acting for the camera, but still...) How do Kobe Tai's parents react to their daughter being practically the most popular Asian woman in American porn. How did any of them even get into porn in the first place?!

There's virtually an endless assortment of questions you could ask.

Which is why i've yet to understand why no network has done a reality show yet based around the life of a porn star. Sure, they've gotten close, with E!'s "Girls Next Door", but that show doesn't go far enough. Plus, it's on E!, so everything we see is going to be tame and watered down anyway. Imagine a reality show on HBO, that shows the real warts in a porn star's life (err... no pun intended there) all the gritty stuff you always wonder about but never ask. HBO itself even comes close, with it's "Cathouse: The Series" but there are numerous glaringly obvious questions that the show never dares to answer. I want to see more about these girls' personal lives, away from the ranch. But then, I guess that'd be another show altogether, then, wouldn't it?

Or what about a show based on the lives of young, up and coming girls trying to break into the industry? Imagine: "America's Next Top Pornstar". Or "So You Think You Can Suck"? Err, maybe, "Extreme F**kover: Porn Valley Edition". Or something...

And as much as i'd like to be the guy who gets this show off the ground, where do I go with it? Who do I take it to? (That is to say, who'll ACTUALLY LISTEN and be able to do anything with it.) And I have no doubt that a few months (or years) from now, someone with way more money and connections in the industry that I have will eventually do this show; it'll be a ratings monster and he/she will doubtless make millions off of it,

But man I been sayin'...

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